Be The Light

These rainbows shower the very place where Metzli was born in my bedroom, on the floor right in front of her birth altar. They also dance upon the wall that holds a framed photo above the altar. The photo is of her two sisters a few years ago walking along a pathway at a hotspring we loved that was later burnt and destroyed in the Thomas Fire. Atop the frame is a selenite wand, Metzli's newborn footprint and an affirmation card that reads, "I Am The Light." I am. And so are you.

I see people saying they don't know what to do in these times. That they feel helpless and drained, especially after conversations with people they disagree with. To them and all people who want to shift the energy from fear and stress into love and gratitude but don't know where to start, I say: go help new mothers. You cannot go wrong when you are helping new mothers. It is an "essential" job, as they say, and it is the responsibility of each and every one of us to make sure that new mothers and their infants are taken care of. 

You can deliver homemade healthy food to a new mother. Ask her how she's feeling and if there's anything she needs to talk about, and then listen with an open heart and mind. Buy her groceries and drop them off. If she wants people in her home, go be in her home with her. Fold her laundry. Hold her baby while she takes a long bath. Make her an herbal tea and share a conversation in the sun. Make sure she has a good water filter and, if she doesn't, buy her one. Join her for a walk by the ocean. Lead her through a meditation. Give her a massage. Hold space for her to grieve - when caring for a newborn 24/7 there is little time at all to process all that is changing and disappearing before our eyes.

We need to hear each other crying. We need our crying to be heard.

We need to see each other's smiles. We need our smiles to be seen.

We need to witness each other's rites of passage and transformations. We need our rites of passage and transformations to be witnessed.

There is no existence in which these needs no longer are needed. They are always needed. It is time to fulfill these needs once more and continue living our beloved lives.

Please show the mothers, especially those caring for infants, young children and teens, some love. They are forgotten and not considered at this time, and they desperately need to be seen and held by the collective. Some have given up entire careers that they invested tens of thousands of dollars into because their children must stay home from school. Some can't afford to feed their children. Some are beaten. Some have had their homes blown to pieces. Some are suicidal. Some have already taken their own lives. 

Please, show the mothers real, human love.

And also, please hear this. I tried the soapbox thing and the screaming from rooftops thing. It didn't really work to affect real change. It only serves to feed the same energy monster - the one filled with righteous rage. It's just as they say, which wolf do you choose to feed? Because the one you choose, is the one that lives.

I choose the one filled with light. I am the light. The light feels amazing, and I plan to live in it always and to share it with all who are ready and willing to see for themselves what is life, and what is death.

Mothers and infants are life. Fear and isolation are death. Let us serve LIFE.

To Be Mother

This leaf was a gift from my youngest, and the pride with which she presented it to me made it ten times more special.

Deeply thinking about what called me to this path after giving birth always fills me with an overload of words. At times I feel more poetic, more fluid and more at ease. At other times I feel angry at the world for sacrificing birth to the patriarchy, and then I instantly feel that I need to work ten times harder to try and change the direction we're headed. This is because I used to think my power lied in my ability to work incredibly hard no matter what the universe put in my path. Being powerful meant to not need breaks and to be uninfluenced by physical pains and discomforts. If I was strong and powerful, I could do anything, at any time, in spite of all limitations.

At this specific moment, however, I feel that power doesn't mean what I once thought it meant.

Personally, I find my power in writing.

I find it in being gentle with my daughters and taking the time to communicate fully with them so they can know themselves and what it means to be a mother.

I find it in the connections I make with the beautiful women I work with, and the complete lack of judgment I feel toward them. I now see these women as my sisters, and in this perspective there lies so much power. I am grateful.

I also find my power in being slow, in being feminine and in always making educated and informed choices. It is true what they say about knowledge being power. My most recent challenges wouldn't have had such positive outcomes if gaining knowledge about them wasn't at the forefront of my mind always.

But most of all, more than any of the above, I find my power hidden beneath the debris of my most destructive days. It is there, in the center, burning away what once seemed so important but now reveals itself to me as nothing more than distractions that reach no deeper than the surface of my Self. This type of revelation is so powerful that entire karmic cycles feel as though they've broken in an instant. And thus, my power is empowered by my ability to ebb and flow with the current, to know when to lean one way and to know to listen closely when something inside tells me I am correct in my inklings.

I wrote the following one night many months ago while my husband worked late and my babies slept soundly. It was around the time I first began to really understand my own power and my motivations as a mother, as a doula and as a woman overall. I find it to still be relevant, and so I share it here nearly half a year later.

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I am a seeker of justice, and I see the handling of birth as one of the most consequential and important injustices of America's history to date. This can happen no longer. We as women must reclaim what nature intended us to be: powerful, authentic, confident, comfortable, nurturing and tuned in to the moon. We shall not continue to be overly timid, polite, modest, pretty and obedient. It is time to find our strength within ourselves, and to help the women around us to do the same.

Have you heard your intuition speak to you before? It has a beautiful, enticing voice that fills you with contentedness and complete assuredness. Slow your quickening thoughts for a moment. Feel your body and its heaviness. Embrace its steadiness. Allow the voice of your intuition to open the silence and fill your spirit with knowing.

Trust. Accept. Follow. Allow your problems to be provided solutions. Allow your warrior to emerge, as though she is finally returning home from battle. Allow the you that is mother {and we are all mother in our own way, whether or not we have a child}, to BE love, and BE feminine mystery.

When we see the you that is mother, we cannot take our eyes off of her, nor do we desire to. She is much too beautiful to turn away from, and we crave the comfort she provides.

To be mother is to be strong, fierce, powerful and inspired.

To be mother is to be selfless, to be a muse and to be a source of peace, ever soft, ever warm, ever beautiful.

And for those who do have children, to have you be their mother is for them to have a center and a nest; safety and comfort. They do not feel alone and they do not feel uneasy. They are yours and they hope to remain yours for so very long. Remember that you are the mother your child needs. It wouldn't have been any other way.

Let us all rise and bloom as the Earth intended, so that we may replenish it with the life-giving force of the mother.

My first muse, sweet "Floralei."