Revolutionary Motherhood

My mother and me at my sister's wedding reception.

I think the revolution that is to come will be led by mothers. Mothers of all shapes, sizes, colors and age. Mothers of all types of children, with all types of capabilities. Mothers as a whole.

It will be led by mothers because mothers don’t do anything that isn’t essential, and a revolution is absolutely essential. They make decisions based on the well being of their children before anyone else. They can sense threat and they can protect fearlessly. With a vigilance like no other, mothers always succeed at that which needs to be accomplished because the livelihood of their children depends on it. Mothers know best, and mothers do best. No matter what the circumstances are, they always do their best.

It will be led by mothers because mothers have endured pain. They have endured abuse and disrespect for centuries. They have always come last and yet always continue to put others first. They are an imperative part of nature and its cycles, and are treated as such - but this is not a good thing. Like nature, mothers are treated as property. They are torn down, mistreated and destroyed simply because they are women, women whose bodies and hobbies have changed since bearing children. Women who are sexualized while simultaneously being very undervalued in their personal lives, in their maternity wards* and in their workplaces. It is truly disastrous, for mothers and for society as a whole, that this is the way we treat our mothers.

In contrast, mothers who are revered - who are treated like queens, who are supported by their communities and upheld by the laws, who have love made to them and exude love within them - these are the mothers whose children are happy and healthy; primarily because of the amount of maternal love that is always bestowed upon them, and secondly because of their mothers’ access to the services she needs so as to care for them.

It is time to value the mother, and mothers know this. They will not stand for the current state of our world because their daughters need them to clear the path, and their sons need to know how to treat the mothers of their own children. They will do it because it is what their children need them to do, and the children come first. Please note that it is so fucking good for society that children are first in the eyes of mothers, for society’s well being** depends on it.

The future of everyone is reliant upon how children are raised, how well they develop and how much they thrive in their environments. Thus, the mothers themselves will lead the revolution because the children need them to in order to survive. A key component of the mothers’ success is that you will help them. You will help the mothers to win the revolution because you need the children. You need the children because without the children, there is no future. Without a future to strive for, what’s life? Because, eventually, the future will come and it will be the present. If that future never comes, what happens to the present it was supposed to become?

So, yes, mothers will lead the revolution. And it will be celebrated for centuries more. Until then we will all continue to fight for the rights of mothers, especially in the worlds of healthcare and business. We will work to empower them and care for them when they are in need. We will not judge them, we will assist them. We will not outcast them, we will enable them. All of them.

I help mothers by guiding them through birth and early motherhood as a doula. I do this because I believe that world peace starts with creating positive pregnancy, birth and postpartum experiences for mother and child. How do you help mothers? Together we will help them to attain all that is required to truly change the world.

* Further reading on birth trauma here.
** I do not personally practice any religion, but I am spiritually inclined and admire other spiritual thinkers. What the Pope says here about mothers is truly beautiful.

The Best Way to Travel With a Toddler and Newborn

Something I wrote in January of last year that I really loved and figured I might as well share:

Lorelei and I traveled as far as the mailbox today. We put jackets on over our jammies and held hands while we ran down the driveway. The mailbox is two houses away from ours, and we got to use the very special mail key to retrieve all of our letters, coupons and credit card offers. Lorelei loves carrying the key back for me. She held onto it tightly, saying “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of it, mama.” And she always does.

But when we got back to the house, the adventure quickly commenced. I went through the pile of mail creating a “recycle” pile that was much larger than the “keep” pile, and then I turned on the T.V. for Lorelei so I could make breakfast and coffee in peace before Baby Isla woke. The rest of the day involved a little bit of playing here and there, a lot of nursing and quite a bit of trying to keep Isla distracted from her teething pain. It was rough, but we got through the afternoon without too many tears being shed. That’s a win in my book.

By the end of the day I felt badly for not being a crafty, anti-T.V., cutely dressed, patient and inspirational mom. I tried to give myself a break because parenting a toddler and a baby is no easy feat, but I do want to provide my girls with a fun, memorable childhood (a goal I promise to tend to before I go to bed every night). But before I can sleep, the little ones must sleep, so I tackle the bedtime routine with fervor. When I tucked Lorelei into her bed, she sweetly said, “I love you sooooo much, mama.”

I thought to myself, why in the world does she love me “sooooo” much? We didn’t go anywhere exciting, she watched way too much T.V. and I cooked dinner in the microwave. By no means is that what a mother who could be loved “sooooo much” does.

I realized, then, that my two-year-old perceives the day much differently than I do. If you were to ask Lorelei what we did today, she’d tell you the following, because this is how we played during those few and far between spare moments of freedom:

"Today was so cool! Mama and I traveled all over the world to the most wonderful places. First, we set sail on the stormy seas to visit a fairy’s cave in the dining room. We found it all the way on the bottom level of the kitty condo, and she gave us some pixie dust so that we could use it to help Sharky’s heart beat regulate.

Then we had lunch (string cheese, dino nuggets and fruit, my favorite) before we attended a Katy Perry concert. I love Katy Perry and mama always takes me to one of her concerts when I’m feeling kind of moody. So we shook our “bom-boms” to the eye of the tiger song and the fireworks song while Baby Isla laughed and kicked her feet in her swing. It was so fun, I seriously didn’t want it to end, so I begged mama to not let it end but she said Katy Perry needed to go take a nap.

Then I got to watch my favorite show while mama helped Baby Isla stop crying. She spent a lot of time nursing her and putting on her chamomile oil. She even let me help put the oil on Isla’s little baby feet. A bit later, mama read me some books. One had a great story about a dragon, so I decided to call mama “Mama Dragon.” I fed her some magnetic alphabet soup while she made me dinner in the dragon lair. We flew to the living room together, flapping our dragon wings and laughing really loudly like dragons would.

Before bed, I turned into a mermaid in the bathtub and cleaned my fin in the soapy waters. Mama taught me a cool trick so that the water wouldn’t get in my eyes when we washed my long, golden mermaid hair. It felt really good so I closed my eyes, smiled and said “Thank you mama, I love you so much.” That made her smile, which made me really happy.

When it was time to get out, mama wrapped me up in my doggy towel, threw me on her bed (literally, it’s the best part) and tucked me in so I could be warm while she picked out my jammies. Then mama let me run around naked before putting my jammies on, which was so much fun. It always makes Isla laugh, too, which is SO cute.

By the time I was dressed and ready for bed, mama looked pretty worn out, so I gave in and hopped onto my bed. She sat Isla in the rocking chair next to us so that she could watch and listen to my bedtime stories too. Mama acted out all of the animal hugs in the Mommy Hugs book and read me my favorite prayers. It was so nice. I told her that I loved her sooooo much because I do, and then I reminded her to not forget Isla before she left the room. I’ve never seen her forget Isla, but I figure I should always remind her just in case. I can’t wait until tomorrow. I hope it’s just as awesome as today was." 

Wow. I’m not surprised that I’m exhausted. Who knew we could travel to so many places in just one day? And with two kids at that! 

It’s clear that no matter how challenging and boring the day appeared to be to me, an adult with different expectations of what should have been accomplished and what it takes to be a good parent, my daughter’s point of view is probably that we did a lot of traveling to a variety of magical lands without her ever having to be strapped into a car seat. 

And so, I tell myself this: I have NOT failed my children by staying home all day when I don’t have the energy, patience or funds to leave the house and set off on a big adventure. There’s a time and a place for that, and it is not right at the end of maternity leave during growth spurts and teething pains times two in the middle of the week. 

By being present and paying attention to my girls and playing along with Lorelei’s fantasies, I got be a part of a day trip that was cooler than my wildest dreams, and I traveled farther than I’ve ever traveled before in my life. Plus, magnetic alphabet soup is delicious, didn’t you know? Now, please excuse me while I guzzle a large glass of ice water. My throat is totally singed after breathing so much fire this evening.