Releasing What Was, In Birth and Motherhood

Tonight is a full moon, a powerful full moon in one of my signs (I am on the cusps of Aquarius and Capricorn), and it has inspired me beyond belief in a way I cannot describe, nor do I want to attempt to describe. I’ve been much more in tune with the moon since having babies and quitting birth control. It’s been wild to actually notice a change in my connection to the Earth, especially when it comes to my life’s work in the childbirth phase of a woman’s life.

Interestingly, tonight the moon has me wanting to share some thoughts on the concept of releasing that which no longer serves us. So, after setting out my crystals and admiring the glow of the moon as it rose behind a palm tree, I decided to skip the television and go straight to my keyboard. This never happens anymore after long days with kiddos, so I felt it  imperative that I take full advantage of the energy I had been given and let the words reveal themselves speedily. They, like me, needed release.

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Just as in birth, motherhood itself requires a woman to let go of so much that she holds dear. She sacrifices her body and spirit, literally, for her child - a child that she doesn’t see or hold in her arms for around ten months. In order to give birth efficiently to both her baby and her new Self, a woman must release all that prevents her from caring for her child. This includes not only former vices, but also former dreams. While a woman can be anything she desires to be, it is impossible for anyone, woman or man, to accomplish all goals at once. Accepting this as a necessary truth upon which the foundation our motherhood is built upon is itself the key to truly living as a mother.

Not as a woman who once was.

Not as a woman who will be one day.

But as a woman who is madly in love with her Self, her children and her lover.

A woman who is dedicated to her family and closest friends.

A woman who caters to her own deep desires and interests.

A woman who is present and accepting of what arrives in her life, knowing a lesson will be learned and a battle will be won.

In releasing our need to control every outer aspect of our being, whether specifically in our birthing spaces or generally in our overall lives as mothers, we create room for new understandings and ideas. And in doing this we are able to provide our families with more. More love, more wisdom and more of our maternal essences.

Personally, as a mother who has made a point of creating space for natural elements to play a larger role in my life, I am growing more and more patient by the week. I am relying less on my own ability to control my Self, my children and my environment, and, in turn, I am relying more on those who love me and the Earth that holds me close. I am trusting only that which feels right intuitively, because motherhood taught me that my intuition is a treasure from Mother Nature herself - as is your intuition.

And so I suggest that you release what was once necessary, but is no longer. Release fears that have guided you on your path, but are no more than extra weight at the moment. Release the tension in each part of your body. Release the cares that are suffocating what could be something so simple as a warm, beautiful summer evening with a slight breeze rolling in through an open window, a full moon shining golden above you and those you love resting warmly in your heart.

Release the excuses, release the guilt, release the shame. In releasing, we receive. And what better time to receive, than the present?

My full moon eclipse consisted of a postpartum visit with a beautiful new mama, a play date in an adventurous backyard, a good conversation with a wonderful friend, some garbage truck wonder, dress up dance parties, sunset, rusted chairs, lots of toys and lots of crystals.

Thoughts on the Feminine

I attended a Birthing From Within workshop for doulas and mentors last weekend and, my word, was it glorious. The energy in a room filled with women passionate about motherhood and helping other women is so healing that I started this week with a renewed sense of self and capability. I am so grateful for this.

On the first day of the workshop we practiced an art exercise after discussing some of the issues we see with modern birth. The directions were to use pastels to draw an image, or images, that would tell someone from the future what the essence of birth was in 2017. It didn't have to be literal, nor did it have to look pretty. It simply had to come straight from our minds right onto the large piece of paper in front of us. Tasks like this are exactly what recovering perfectionists like myself need. I felt free to truly create, and it was invigorating. Plus there weren't any tiny hands around to "contribute" to my drawing. This was a first in a very long time!

My image was of a huge, beautiful flower in the middle of towering, crashing waves. In the corner was a golden crescent moon controlling the tide. I used my fingers to purposefully make the pastels spread all over the paper, leaving lines of imperfect color in their wake. To me, my image invoked a scene of the beauty of the feminine being threatened by the waves. The moon, too, was actually being threatened by the waves, and the wind created by the events at hand was dangerously close to ripping the flower apart.

As I created this piece of art, I could hear myself writing a passage in my mind. When I finished with the pastels, I moved a new medium - my pen. I wrote what I heard in my head, word for word, on my paper, and I loved it. I loved that I conveyed a message in two different ways at the same time. I loved that I had the time and space to do it. I loved that I was alone with my thoughts, furthuring my knowledge of working with women during the childbearing year. I loved every aspect of that moment and what I had created.

Below is the passage I wrote. It comes from a place of recent struggle, a struggle I will write about soon when I'm ready, and it reflects some of the darker aspects of my mindset as a woman. Yet, in spite of this, it maintains the sense of hope I hold for my children and their future as women, possibly mothers, but most definitely sisters. Maybe it rings true for you as well during this strange time in history that is greatly affecting the present.

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Everything passes so quickly. A constant influx and overload that overpowers our deepest desires to connect to our center and epitomize goodness. Motherhood, and womanhood essentially, is an existence so tied to nature it is nearly unbearable. And yet, the more rooted we attempt to become, the stronger the tidal pull of all outside forces. Though the moon controls our being as much as it controls the vast and powerful ocean, it often appears to be no match for the speed and control of our daily physical life. It feels as though we are slowly being washed away, but within us remains a strength literally unknown to man, and it will always drive us to continue forward, and to one day overcome.

In remembering the sweetness of my daughters, and the abundance of tiny and beautiful moments they bring to me throughout the day, I stay grounded.

Be The Village

Originally published by TRIBE de MAMA in October of 2016

As our generation of women begins birthing children, we are collectively realizing that we crave a real in-person village. Having a village provides our families with lives that are less stressful and more livable. Tasks like going to the grocery store and doing laundry become much less overwhelming when a fellow sister is by our side, helping us maintain a comfortable home and happy children.

In order to bring about the village and make it a true reality, we must first BE the village. We must be the women who offer help to others. We must be the women who subtly educate the people in our lives about the benefits of living naturally and compassionately. We must be the women whose confidence inspires. We must be the women whose children stand tall with gratitude and befriend all - never desiring to bring down another.

Doing this is quite simple, and it will add countless incredible facets to your own life experience on this earth. The trick is to offer authentic help before the person in need finally builds up the courage to ask for it themselves. Fortunately, there are many ways to do this.

Offer a new mother a home cooked meal and a long shower, during which you will hold and comfort her baby. Surprise your grandmother with a lunch date. Call your own mother just to say hello, and ask if she needs anything from the store since you're going anyway. If you know a family that is struggling financially, send them an anonymous gift card to Whole Foods or a local store with similar offerings. The benefits of taking such action will be profound, for both the recipient and the giver.

The village is within us, lying in wait. Let us share it. Let us trust our innate intuitiveness to guide us as we navigate our personal relationships and the barriers in our communities that encourage us to remain quietly independent in our homes. Let us bring more goodness into our world for the benefit of our children and the children of others. It is important, and it is doable.

The Spring and Its Newness

In welcoming spring, I welcome a new perspective. A new way of doing things. A new way of living. A new way of nurturing the lives I've created. I am also dutifully preparing myself, mind and body, for the births that I will be attending and the families I will be serving postpartum in the coming months. 

One of the ways I am going about doing all of the above is reading book after book after book, and almost completely ditching social media. In so doing I have found that I am learning more about birth and motherhood through reading books about nature, community and mindfulness than I have through reading books, articles and posts solely written for the purpose of teaching us how to give birth and raise children. 

Making these changes has enhanced my knowledge of self and my knowledge of our collective purpose as fellow humans. It has been made clear to me that we don't need to binge on research nearly as much as we need to simply be present and allow our natural instincts to guide us on our personal journeys. 

One of the best ways to practice staying present is to speak to others and get to know them better. Pay close attention. Allow yourself to feel what they felt. Learn from their stories and develop relationships that nurture your need to be generous. Make phone calls. Initiate time spent in each other's company. Be thoughtful about the conversations you have and treat no moment as less important than the others. Every moment is of importance. Every moment has a past, present and future state within your mind. Every moment is worthwhile.

I encourage you to read The Red Tent, Braiding Sweetgrass and A New Earth. I encourage you to read them while you take a break from social media. I encourage you to read them with a glass of wine. I encourage you to read them while your children watch a movie or play in the yard. I encourage you to read them while your baby sleeps at your breast. I encourage you to read them while you wait in waiting rooms and pump at your workplace. 

I encourage you.

I urge you to listen to the Free Birth Society podcast. I urge you to listen to this while you do the dishes. I urge you to listen to this while you fold the laundry. I urge you to listen to this while you drive in traffic. I urge you to listen to this while you organize the play area.

I urge you.

I urge you, and I send you love. I too feel the weight on our shoulders.

The current state of society is unfortunate for parents, especially mothers. We are expected to do as everyone else does and choose ways of caring for our children that have official names and definitions. We are always attempting to categorize the way we nurture, and we are always feeling that something is lacking - and that we are isolated in our weariness. But we are not.

Reading these books and listening to this podcast has reminded me that I am not alone. There are women within me, women that surround me, women that love me and women that guide me. There are women that struggle, women that inspire, women that succeed, women that fail and women that empower. And together as women we will save this world, just as soon as we recall where we come from, become our truest selves and reunite with nature and its incredible components. 

Read. Listen. Breathe. Smile. Be.