This is Why I Don't Believe In Having a Birth Plan

HelloGiggles

Nearly every childbirth educator and doula will mention and/or recommend a birth plan. There are so many amazing reasons for this, the primary being that creating a birth plan helps you to determine what kind of birth you aim to have, as well as what your preferences are.

There is, however, a growing movement against birth plans, a movement that I — a mother, doula and childbirth educator — find myself to be a part of. This movement stems from the idea that birth plans have turned into more of a defensive document stating the things a mama doesn’t want to happen in her birth, like pain meds, or coldly stating what she does want to happen, like immediate skin-to-skin contact with her baby. Rather than assist her in feeling empowered, the birth plan can further put her at the will of her care provider, positioning the care provider in such a way that some may feel as though they have the final say of what happens during a mother’s childbirth experience.

I created some fierce straight-to-the-point birth plans when I was pregnant with my two babies. “We decline this shot, thank you,” and “Don’t even mention episiotomy to me, thank you,” were some of the main bullet points on each one. I put a lot of time and effort into them, making sure I didn’t sound pushy. Handing the plans over was always intimidating because I wasn’t sure if I was going to be judged or laughed at for thinking I could actually dictate how my birth went. My body tenses up just think about it.

That being said, I was fully aware that writing birth plans didn’t guarantee that any of my specifications would be adhered to. I knew that the main point was to give my birth team a decent example of what kind of birth experience I wanted. Its purpose was also to make sure that if any questions were asked, the answer was already written down on a paper that anyone could read while I labored in peace. There’s nothing worse than making a laboring women talk when she’s in a primal state of birthing a new life…seriously, be quiet.

What I found after each birth, though, was that not once did I ever look at my birth plan, nor did anyone else look at it.

My team and I were all on the same page because we talked about my preferences, and if anyone had a question my husband or doula or mom or mother-in-law or sister answered it (yes, they were all in the room with me). My OB knew my wishes and kept trying to go against them anyway, but I stood my ground. That was cool of me to be able to do, but I was kind of annoyed by it because I shouldn’t have had to stand my ground. He had the plan, why wasn’t he following it?

So, was all of the time spent creating a birth plan worth it? Hell no.

What I wish I had done was set birth intentions and focus on what my ideal birth looked like as opposed to focusing on things that scared me or were completely unpredictable.

This doesn’t mean a pregnant mother shouldn’t concern herself with all of her options. I firmly believe that every single pregnant woman NEEDS to take a childbirth education class of some kind, and read a few key birth books. She needs to make sure she asks lots of questions in class, checks out reputable websites for even more in depth info, asks her care provider questions and trusts her gut — that mama intuition is no joke.

Essentially, you need to own your birth by preparing for it the way you would prepare for, say, your wedding day. Research, weigh your options, familiarize yourself with what could happen if you choose one option over another and talk it out with your partner and doula. With all of the time you saved by not actually writing out and printing copies of your birth plan, you can now dedicate your energy to setting your birth intentions.

Setting intentions is a lot like praying.

You state both out loud and in writing what decisions you’ve made regarding the situation at hand, and you leave it up to the Universe, God, the law of attraction etc. to guide those intentions into becoming your reality. The point of “planning” your birth in this way is that it helps you to stay positive and focus on all of the wonderful things that could happen instead of keeping you in a defensive place, fearful that no one will listen to you and that the things you are most scared of will happen anyway.

For example, instead of writing:

I prefer that an episiotomy is not performed.

…you write:

My body will fully open to give birth to my baby.

Read the first one again. How does it make you feel? Are you visualizing an episiotomy and feeling (understandably) terrified?

Now read the second one. How do you feel? Are you visualizing your vagina slowly opening as your baby’s head is crowning? Are you imagining what it will be like when the rest of your baby’s body is born and you get to hold him or her on your chest?

Which do you prefer? Does one make you feel more empowered? Which makes you feel more optimistic about your birth experience? Both came from a place of knowledge (you know that your vagina needs to open wide enough for your baby to be born, and you know that you’d rather not need assistance in the form of an episiotomy), but only one keeps you in that positive state of mind, and trust me, childbirth is a lot more manageable when you’re in a positive state of mind.

To get started with setting your birth intentions, make sure you take a childbirth class and read the books you wanted to read.

Once you’ve figured out where you stand on interventions and have talked about all of your options with your partner and birth team, buy yourself a beautiful journal, grab your favorite pen, gather things that make you feel happy, light some candles and get to work putting into your words what your ideal birth looks like. Visualize it and verbalize it. Write down your favorite birth affirmations.

Set intentions regularly and add onto your written thoughts as often as you’d like. When the time comes, bring your journal to your birth place, as well as those items that make you feel happy. Making a vision board could also be of great assistance to you if you’re a visual person. The presence of your journal, beloved possessions and optional vision board will get you into that positive space once more and serve as some powerful birthing motivation.

Even though you haven’t printed out a birth plan, you won’t forget where you stand on your options. When it comes to your baby, your team will know your desires regarding what happens immediately after birth because you will have discussed it with them. In this situation, however, writing out your preferences for baby’s care is perfectly acceptable and won’t put you in a negative thinking space. Remember that things happen the way they are supposed to, and no matter what path your birth takes you will rock it in its entirety. Why? because you’re a damn strong woman.

As always when it comes to motherhood, do what’s best for you and your family.

If a birth plan makes you feel more secure, by all means write one! But do yourself a favor and keeps things positive. Your uterus will thank you later, and all of that positive thinking and mindfulness-practicing will greatly benefit you throughout all of motherhood.

13 Things I Love About Mama Life

HelloGiggles

Now that I got my working mom rant out of the way, I feel like I can finally delve into the true pleasures of raising a baby. Before I begin, let’s be honest – babies are weird. They can’t use words, they can’t get around that gracefully and they don’t know how to use spoons. They also get a kick out of things like the strings that pull window blinds up and down, and ceiling fans especially. And somehow, because they are so intrigued with the little things in life (seriously though, the SMALLEST things), we as adults begin to see the world a little bit differently day by day, and that’s when life becomes fresh once again.

Have you ever missed your childhood or reminisced about how “easy” life used to be when you thought Santa was real; before you got boobs and had to start wearing bras; before you had a cellphone that you couldn’t leave the house without; before you had an ex-boyfriend; before you ever experienced a hangover; and before you really knew why money was so important? I think about this everyday during my half-hour commute to work while listening to Morning Edition and questioning why people suck so bad. But when I come home to my sweet Lorelei in the evening and we lay together on the living room floor while she snuggles her stuffed animals and passes me little plastic balls, giggling uncontrollably as I throw them in the air, I realize that the innocence with which I used to live my life has been reincarnated, so to speak, in my daughter.

Over the past twenty-some years, I forgot how fun life could be when you get to let your sillies out on the regular, but I’m so, so happy that Lorelei has been my reminder. Here are some of the most fun parts of being a mother to a blossoming ten-month-old:

1. Morning snuggle sessions: You know how great it feels when you wake up on a Sunday morning, cozily wrapped in your fluffy, warm comforter, and then you hear rain outside and you get excited about a day spent indoors drinking hot drinks and reading? Imagine having that feeling every morning, rain or shine. That’s what it feels like to snuggle up to your baby after an early morning nursing session. There’s nothing I love more than putting Lorelei in between my husband and me; she’s the ultimate “little spoon.”

2. Going on walks: Lorelei loves being pushed around in her stroller (or trying to push her stroller), but that’s a different story). When passing bushes or shrubbery, she holds her tiny hand out to feel the leaves and flowers. Watching her discover the outside world with her eyes and hands is such a cool thing to experience as a mother, you know, since I used to be able to feel her little hands push me from inside the womb.

3. Playing catch, kind of: Attempting to toss a toy to a baby is usually not that rewarding of a game (whatever you throw usually just ends up hitting them in the face), but around this age, babies get really into physical activity and want to try to do things they’ve never done before, like crawl, walk etc. Lorelei loves it when I roll a plastic ball to her and then let her hand it back to me. Me saying “Thank you!” always results in a big Lorelei belly laugh, so I continue to roll the ball to her until she is ready for something new and crawls away from me, just so I can hear her laugh over and over again. These days, Lorelei sometimes likes to try to throw the ball, but does so by waving both of her arms uncontrollably until the ball flies out of her hand; it’s the cutest.

4. Blankets: If Lorelei is having a tearful moment, usually because her ferocious crawling led to a head-bump or because we had to stop play-time to change her diaper, I grab a blanket and wave it around. For whatever reason, Lorelei loves watching blankets on the move. I think it has something to do with the wind created by the blanket’s movement (Lorelei is obsessed with wind), but for the most part I could care less about the why; I’ll do anything to make her stop crying, even if it does make me look kind of nutty.

5. Dancing: Babies love music. If Lorelei hears a catchy beat, she’ll bounce up and down and wave her hands in the air like she just don’t care. When I can tell she’s really into a song, I’ll pick her up and dance around the living room with her until that song is over. Some of her favorite moves are being held upside down while being tickled, spinning in circles, pretending to waltz and, obviously, doing “The Lorelei,” which is basically just moving your hips back and forth while holding one of your hands out in front of you.

6. Bath time: Kids and adults alike enjoy baths and getting clean, but Lorelei goes crazy for bath time. Since she graduated from the Tummy Tub and discovered what it’s like to have room to move around, she’s reached a whole new level of water love. We use a laundry basket instead of the typical baby bathtub since it was cheaper and can be repurposed once she grows out of it. Doing this ensures that her toys don’t stray too far and that she doesn’t try to crawl around, and it also looks really funny. But the best part of the bath time routine is when Lorelei catches a glimpse of herself in the bathroom mirror. She thinks she looks so funny with a hooded towel wrapped around her little body, so she giggles and wiggles and laughs all the way to the changing table.

7. The beach: Lorelei was a little over five months old the first time we took her to the beach, and it was an absolute disaster. She fell face-first into the sand and didn’t like the ocean, so we both shed many tears. But now, Lorelei LOVES the beach. She crawls all around the sand “eeeing” and “ahhhing” and trying to eat dried up seaweed. And when we take her to the ocean she jumps up and down to splash the water; she loves the way the ocean feels when its small waves rush over her chubby legs. My mom captured this moment, isn’t it wonderful?

8. Being wanted: You know that bothersome self-doubt feeling that’s always hanging around? Whether or not you think you care about what people think of you, it’s always in the back of your mind because we all want to be liked and needed, either by our friends, our boss, our significant other, etc. The thing with babies is they always want you and they most certainly need you, and it’s one of the best feelings in the world. Knowing that you created this little being and you are now responsible for keeping him or her alive is definitely overwhelming, but when holding them to your breast and singing them lullabies halts their tears, it’s very validating (and it happens about five times a day).

9. Rocking to sleep: This one’s pretty basic, but no less incredible. There are times when babies have a really hard time sleeping and they cry inconsolably. When this happens to Lorelei, we have to reassure her by bouncing or rocking her to sleep in our arms. Once she quiets down and tucks her little face into my neck, it’s as though time has literally stopped, and the silent swaying of my body in support of hers is the only thing that exists in the world. It is beautiful; it is peaceful; it is the essence of being a parent.

10. Baby clothes: They are just too adorable, and so hard to not spend all of my money on. As of today, Lorelei is still getting by on the clothes we received as a result of hand-me-downs and baby shower gifts, but once she hits the year mark, I’m going to need daily reminders of why I shouldn’t go on a crazy Baby Gap shopping spree. Reminder number one: college tuition will be about $70,000 per year at a private institution by the time Lorelei graduates high school. Holy crap. No more onesies!

11. Running my fingers through Lorelei’s baby curls: There’s not much else to say about this other than the fact that baby hair is so incredibly soft. It’s like petting a chinchilla whenever I want, except Lorelei came from my uterus, not Petco.

12. Making up nursery rhymes on the fly: Here are two of my favorites at the moment.

Lorelei, Lorelei
She’s so cute and she’s so fly
(sung loosely to the tune of “Spider Pig” from The Simpsons Movie)

You’re my little morning pastry
You’re my little afternoon cheesy
You’re my little dinnertime dumpling
You’re my little dessert sweet
(sung to a tune that varies often depending on Lorelei’s mood)

For times when my or my husband’s random poetics don’t do the trick, Raffi’s interpretation of “Brown Girl in the Ring” is Lorelei’s go-to jam.

13. Having something to look forward to every single day: Before I had a little family to come home to, I would usually not be all that excited to go home after work. I’d opt to go shopping or meet someone for dinner, using “home” as nothing more than a place to change my outfit. But now, I’m excited to go home because I know that there’s a cute little bubby waiting for me. I look forward to seeing what outfit her dad dressed her in, giving her a hug and kissing her squishy cheeks. Even though I know I won’t be able to relax until later in the night after I feed her, bathe her, pajama her and nurse/rock her to sleep (a two- to three-hour process), I’m never not excited to get home to my sweet baby.

I could add a million more things to this list if prompted, but it took me four days to come up with the time to write about these 13, so I’ll leave it at that.

Things That Make Me Scared to Be a Mom, But Shouldn't

HelloGiggles

Can I be honest for a minute? The thought that I could become a mother any day now, is kind of terrifying. There are all kinds of things that keep crossing my mind, like, how bad is this really gonna hurt? and, a little human being is going to come out of where? But aside from the typical labor/delivery fears are the everyday types of fears. So, in the same vein as one of my favorite pieces titled “Things That Make Me Feel Sexy But Shouldn’t,” I’ve decided to write about things that make me scared to be a mom but shouldn’t, partly in hopes that I will talk myself out of being such a pansy about the little things, but also to admit to myself that yes, I’m scared to be a mom, and yes, that’s okay and normal. Please, don’t judge my irrationality. I’m only human.

1. Teaching Lorelei how to brush her teeth: I had a flashback this morning of what kid toothpaste tastes like, and I almost threw up in the sink. How do I successfully convince my daughter that putting a gel-type substance on a brush and making it froth up in her mouth with water and spit is actually good for her? What if she fights back? What if I accidentally hurt her gums when I’m trying to show her how to brush up and down and side to side, etc.? It truly seems impossible to me, and I feel like I’m going to need to do tons of research before I am capable of teaching someone such an important part of everyday life. Have any of you done this before? I could use a little reassurance here that it’s not as hard as my brain thought it was this morning.

2. Teaching Lorelei how to talk: I still can’t comprehend how babies learn how to communicate. The English language is challenging for so many adults (editing hundreds of college students’ disastrous newspaper articles has made me lose hope in the intelligence levels of my peers), so how in the world can it be manageable for the small people under the age of three to learn tenses and other important grammatical things? I know that a lot of it comes from listening to others and mimicking them, but now I’m going to be super paranoid about using incorrect grammar around my daughter. Why does the world work this way? Why can’t babies be born with the ability to read and talk? Why does this terrify me, someone who loves words, so much? I feel like I should be excited about the chance to be responsible for someone else’s introduction to the English language, but instead I feel pressured to be a perfect example all of the time, and that’s a lot of pressure for someone my size! (And by “my size” I definitely mean my former size. I’m kind of large and in charge at the moment.) I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

3. Too much TV: I am a serious TV addict. I turn it on as soon as I get home and watch it until I just can’t stay awake anymore, and thus I am appropriately terrified that I will pass this somewhat bad habit onto my child and she too will be dependent on TV forever. I’ve already decided that in order to avoid this I simply need to not have the TV on when she’s awake or hanging out with me, just so she doesn’t get too used to it being on all the time, but…I’m scared of what that will be like for me. Does that make me selfish? Should I be embarrassed of my love for TV? Is it Nickelodeon’s fault? Maybe Disney Channel’s? Dare I say my own parents’? All I know is that cutting down on TV might end up being the hardest thing I have to do as a parent. Wouldn’t I be so lucky? *Writer’s note: After writing this, I woke up the next morning to no cable. Our cable went out, and since we were accidentally getting it for free somehow there’s no way to fix it, and nobody wants to pay for it! I’m totally screwed. Or am I? Maybe this was the only way to get me to prevent myself from passing my TV addiction on to my daughter. Electricity works in mysterious ways, or, I totally jinxed myself.

4. Setting up a bedtime: Bedtime was my absolute least favorite thing as a child. I hated it so much that it would make me quiver with anger, and I’d spend the first hour of it laying in the dark talking to my little sister, and getting in trouble for doing so. Sometimes we’d be so not tired that we’d sneak out into the hallway and watch TV through the slats in the heater vent (I’m seriously not kidding about my TV addiction). I’m scared that Lorelei will be as much of an insomniac as her dad and me and we’ll all just stay awake until 3 a.m. together watching reruns of Friends and weird movies on Comedy Central while we eat quesadillas. That would be so, so horrible to do with a two-year-old. Dear God please let Lorelei like having a bedtime!

5. The possibility that I won’t be able to help Lorelei with her homework because I’ve forgotten how to do elementary math: I’m not horrible at math and I can still do some of the basics, but overall I would definitely not volunteer to be anybody’s go-to math person. Should I buy a couple of math books for myself and start studying up now? Should I make somebody else do that so I don’t have to? Should I be one of those parents who volunteers so I can sit in on her classes and learn alongside her, just so I can help her recall what was discussed? Why am I freaking out about this when she’s still in my belly?? This is a hard one to figure out.

6. The possibility that Lorelei will love McDonald’s as much as I do:French fries have been one of my favorite foods since I can remember. I used to try to get Happy Meals from McDonald’s all of the time – partly for the toys you were supposed to collect, but mostly because I really, really wanted French fries. This habit has not stopped and I try to get my fiancé to pick up McDonald’s for me on a regular basis. I want Lorelei to be healthy, though, so McDonald’s is obviously out of the question, but it’s going to be extremely hard to adjust to life without fries and caramel sundaes. Good thing I have a big girl job and can pick up some McDonald’s on my lunch break when times get desperate. Lorelei will never know.

7. The possibility that Lorelei will hate me: This is a genuine fear that I think most people have when they think about their children becoming teenagers. None of us would say that we were always pleasant to our parents after we hit 13, and we certainly wouldn’t deny having at least entertained the thought of hating them once or twice, and that really scares me. I don’t like being hated, even if it’s just for a little bit. But what scares me even more than the chance that Lorelei will hate me is the chance that I’ll end up gravitating toward “best friend” territory and will be too forgiving of her mistakes as she grows into her own person. I’m pretty easygoing, and I worry that I won’t be strong enough when it comes to disciplining her. That’s how I am when it comes to my cats anyway. I tend to think their misbehavior is endearing. But they’re not trying to experiment with drugs and alcohol, so maybe I shouldn’t critique my parenting style just yet. Oh God. I forgot about the drugs and alcohol aspect of parenting! Maybe I should go stare at the drawers full of baby clothes in the nursery to remind myself that 13 years is a long ways away.

I suppose I’ll stop now, because my plan totally backfired. I didn’t exactly talk myself out of being afraid of these things; rather I exacerbated my fears by trying to make each paragraph long enough. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go research what contractions feel like in case the stomach pains I’m having aren’t really stomach pains at all.

Christmas Music That’s Not About Christmas: A Seasonal Playlist For The Masses

HelloGiggles

Being unemployed gives me lots of free time to do magical things, like taking my time when determining whether or not seasonal Coffee-Mate is worth the extra few dollars and reading through some of the articles I wrote for the newspaper I used to be editor of. I recently came across one of my favorites, titled “Christmas Music That’s Not About Christmas.” I wrote it when I worked at Gap and was surrounded by Christmas music for five hours straight, three days a week.

I grew to despise the constant holiday music, but felt conflicted because of how much I truly love the season. I crave the cold weather and rainy days that allow me to wear my rain boots; I enjoy the chill I get when I start my car in the morning and have to wait for the heater to warm up; and I love being able to wear super-soft socks to bed without kicking them off in the middle of the night. Simply put, I love the coziness that ensues as a result of the cold weather. It reminds me of the simpler days, when I was a seven-year-old girl who, along with her younger sister, created a winter wonderland for her dollhouse people. Our bedroom was filled with the sounds of Martina McBride’s Christmas album, and our carpet was covered in fake snow and a mirror that had been transformed into an ice-skating rink.

It was a magical time for all involved (especially the teenage dollhouse person who was able to kiss her boyfriend under the mistletoe). Memories like these used to invoke a deep love of Christmas songs, but working in retail completely ruined it for me. So I came up with a playlist of some of my favorite songs that have a cold-weather, holiday-esque vibe to them so I could continue to have a musical connection to the season without being reminded of the destroyed sweater display I had to refold earlier in the day. The playlist is categorized by band, below.

Fleet Foxes: Suitable for cabin trips and long drives through snowy mountains.

"White Winter Hymnal"

This song is about children in scarves walking through the snow. It has the same kind of structure that many of the more traditional Christmas songs have, but with a much more intellectual and symbolic story to tell. It’s fun to sing along to, and it makes road trips seem much shorter and more adventurous.

"Oliver James"
This song is a simple addition to a “sit by the fire and read a Steinbeck novel” playlist, as it is leisurely and has lyrics about Oliver James, who is lost in the rain (typical weather for the holiday season).

"English House"
This song is absolutely beautiful. The melodies are pleasant, relaxing and perfectly suited to waking up in the arms of your significant other as you look forward to a delicious mug of pumpkin spice coffee (note: seasonal Coffee-Mate is definitely worth the extra few bucks).

"Blue Ridge Mountains"
This song is perfect for the holiday season, as it begins with a message to the lyricist’s brother about how he missed his connecting flight to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Tennessee. Such a situation is common during travels from state to state, and many listeners can sympathize. They can then sing along to the beautiful remainder of the song as they wait sadly and anxiously for their family member to arrive safely at the airport.

Beware of "Icicle Tusk"
This tune has a wintery title but is in no way comforting or Christmassy. It’s about murdering the father of a coal miner’s daughter. Don’t put this on any holiday playlist.

The National: Suitable for intellectual holiday gatherings at which you discuss the true meaning of Christmas, the psychology behind telling children that Santa exists and the religious overtones of the holiday season.

"Green Gloves"
Though the lyrics of this song are a bit invasive, the speed of it is perfect for the idling conversations one has as the night grows late and the spiked apple cider settles into a satisfied stomach. The deepness of the lead singer’s voice greatly influences the quality of conversation because it makes people feel wiser.

"Gospel"
With the lyrics, “Hang your holiday rainbow lights in the garden,” "Gospel" is one of the only songs on this list that actually mentions the holidays. It’s mellow and uses the piano as its primary form of instrumentation. Most intellectuals can play the piano, so this is a perfect way to show your friends that you appreciate the instrument as well.

Belle & Sebastian: Suitable for catching up with high school friends when back in your hometown for Christmas break.

"The Fox In The Snow"
This is yet another great morning song. When waking up to the first snow of the season, one is often overwhelmed by how pure everything appears to be. To take such feelings even further, analyze the lyrics of this song while you wait for the heater to warm up your cinnamon-scented living room.

"Winter Wooskie"
The lyrics of this song are also about snowy weather, as well as the things one ponders when they see a pretty girl. It’s sweet and lightly romantic, which is perfect because no one wants anything heavy on his or her shoulders when they’re wearing pounds of cold weather clothing.

Beach House: Oh, the irony. Beach House’s older albums are suitable for rainy, cloudy, darkly cold days that inspire nostalgic thoughts about the wonders of childhood.

"Childhood"
For some, Christmas was most important back when Santa still existed, and the lyrics of this song are reminiscent of toys and the “heartbreak of our loss,” which, for the purposes of this article, can be interpreted as referring to the loss of the mystery that is Santa Claus.

"All the Years"
This song is a perfect sing-along-song for the hot showers that are taken only as a means of warming your ice-cold body if you can’t afford to turn on your heater. It also contains dreamy lyrics about icicles in heaven, which is where Jesus is, so it can tie in to the true meaning of Christmas as well, if you so wish.

"I Do Not Care For The Winter Sun"
Daylight savings is exciting for most of us who enjoy darker night because we can light our fires sooner and feel cozier longer. Beach House can relate, and the simplicity of the song reflects the simplicity of nature, snowflakes and shorter days.

Beirut: Suitable for those who would rather be in Europe over the holidays. Interestingly enough, the lead singer of the band was influenced by Eastern European music, which is geographically where a decent amount of Christmas folklore originated.

"Forks and Knives (La Fete)"
For those that live in a snowy place, play this song while venturing out in a coat and boots to go Christmas shopping, followed by a cold-weather lunch with a friend. The song could very well inspire you to go into a Hallmark store and admire the many Christmas figurines and stuffed animals. But, whatever you do, don’t read the lyrics. They will certainly take away the wintery effect of the music.

"La Banlieu"
This song continues the ideas conveyed in "Forks and Knives," but in a lyric-less way that leaves the song completely open to interpretation. It is best suited for a very formal Christmas party at which your parents are in attendance and the Christmas tree is color-coordinated with red and gold ornaments.

Memoryhouse: Suitable for evenings that consist of writing about meaningful relationships that really make you think about who you are as a young, independent woman with a soft spot for cold weather.

"Bonfire"
This song is about getting cold with someone you can’t stop thinking about, and it has a bit of a nostalgic undertone to it. Perfect for a season that emphasizes family, friends and weather.

If you still think that it is absolutely necessary to listen to Christmas classics, however, Sufjan Stevens’ Christmas song collection is quite entertaining, as is a friend of mine’s favorite, A Christmas Together, by John Denver & The Muppets. One of the most beautiful Christmas albums of our time, however, is Martina McBride’s White Christmas. Odd, but true, and easy to play on repeat while you open the mounds of gifts under the tree on Christmas morning. And let us not forget the beauty of Hanson and Christina Aguilera’s respective Christmas albums. Those were by far my favorite to sing along to in the backseat of my mom’s Saturn on the way to Grandma’s house.

Having written all of this, I must admit that I splurged on the absolutely adorable A Very She & Him Christmas LP, and it has undoubtedly renewed my love for traditional Christmas music. The simplicity of the album, as well as the choice of songs and the timelessness of Zooey Deschanel’s voice, remind us of what the holiday season is really about: the comfort of feeling loved by, and enjoying the company of, family and friends, whether or not gifts are exchanged.

How Beyonce Changed My Life

HelloGiggles

I’ve recently become more stressed than usual about my finances. This is most likely because I’m going to have to start paying back some of my student loans next month, and also because I had an expensive post-Halloween-celebration-hangover-breakfast that included a $10 Bloody Mary (woops). I think it’s safe to say that my college education and a night out with my friends were both money well spent, yet, I still feel guilty, and have unsubscribed from banking alerts that tell me when my balance is dangerously low, solely because they make me cry. This may or may not be a good thing.

So what did I do to fix this? I watched the 20-minute Beyonce documentary, Year of 4. Though I didn’t make money while watching this gem of a short film, I was reassured that because I am a strong-willed, hard-working young woman who knows what her passion is, I can and will succeed in whatever I plan to do with the rest of my life. I never thought a documentary about a world-famous pop star would inspire the likes of me, a former indie-music snob who refused to listen to Top 40 radio (my outlook has recently changed, and I love Beyonce, Britney and Rihanna equally), but Beyonce truly has a way with words. Here are some quotes from the film that really made me fall in love with the extremely talented musician, as well as my current lifestyle and future plans.

1. “I don’t need people to think for me.”
Everyone has something to say to those of us that are unemployed. Though the things they say are often words of encouragement, or the common, “You’re not the only college grad in this position,” others are full of advice. Trust me guys, I know that I can search Craigslist and LinkedIn for jobs, and that new ones come up every day, and that I should just apply to everything because it doesn’t hurt, and that I should check in on resumes I’ve sent out and that I shouldn’t give up. I, like Beyonce, don’t need people to think for me. When they try to do so, it simply makes me feel like I have to prove myself to them or defend my actions and let them know that I’m already doing what they tell me to do. That’s not to say I don’t appreciate their interest, but what I’d appreciate more is an actual job. So, advice-givers, how about an entry-level position at the company you currently work for? That’s what I thought. I’ll find the right job when it’s the right time, and I’m already doing my best to make this time the right time. It’s tough out there for us writers and editors fresh out college, but we’ll find a way to make it work. We always do. Please note, however, that there are certain types of advice-givers that are exempt from this, and they are named Mom and Dad. Their advice is different than that of New York Times columnists and 20-somethings who work for their parents. It’s much more relevant because they know you better than anyone else, especially when it comes to how hard you’ve worked to get where you are today.

2. “You can’t be too comfortable and too confident [in your line of work].”
One day I will not be unemployed, and I’m sure that on that day I will feel a lot more comfortable with my financial situation, and a lot more confident in my work abilities. But hearing Beyonce, who is essentially a walking empire, say that you can’t be too comfortable and too confident was eye opening for me. Just because someone will one day want to hire me doesn’t mean I’m the most skilled in the field or guaranteed to have that job forever. If I were to become too comfortable or confident, I would most certainly lose sight of what was important, and what is important is to continue growing as a person and employee. We can always do better when it comes to our jobs, and its unsafe to think otherwise.

3. “You should be doing it just because you love it.”
I decided a long time ago that I didn’t need a job that would enable me to make millions. I realized that what’s important to me is happiness, love, relaxation, comfort and being satisfied with my life outside of the workplace. While money can certainly help with some of those aspects, it’s not necessary. This is why I’m happy with my life right now. Though I barely make enough to get by, I’m doing things that I love to do on a regular basis. For example, I don’t get paid to write for this website, nor do I get paid to write for Cat Tales, a non-profit newsletter for a non-profit, no-kill cat shelter in Escondido, California. But being able to write for these two outlets is so unbelievably satisfying that I put my heart and soul into the words I type, and talk about them incessantly to my friends and family. These two writing gigs are what make me feel like I’m doing something with my life, and it gives me hope that I will always be happy as long as I’m writing.

Watching Year of 4 while drinking coffee and taking notes on my server notepad was a really important moment for me. It revealed to me in the clearest of ways that writing is what I want to do, and a writer is what I am. But most of all, it showed me that even if I don’t get paid to do what I am most passionate about, every article, column and story that I write is still an accomplishment that I should be proud of.

The documentary also reassured me that it’s okay to be taking time off between working hard in college and working hard in an office. I used to feel guilty about not yet having a career job, but I now see that I earned this break and should be using this time to learn more about who I am outside of school and work. Trust me, I’m learning a lot.

Thank you, Mindy Kaling, for recommending this documentary on your blog. It forever changed my outlook on what it means to be successful, and what it takes to get there.